I’m at a point of my life where i have to take tough decisions. They say this is the time when fate is decided.
I’m almost 18 years old now and being in india this is considered one of the most crucial time of our lives. As I have finally completed my high school there is only one question that is being asked to me everyone around me and by myself.
“What are you planning to do in life now?”. Honestly i have no idea. Three years back i felt the same kind of dilemma where i had to choose my stream of academics. I was clueless then, i never had any ambitions in life. My parents always encouraged me to take up challenges. I finally decided to study science as my subject.
Three years post then I’m still the same. I’m still clueless about my life. I still don’t have any ambition. I don’t have any goal in life. All i know is to live in the present moment. Situations are similar but this time i feel that a lot is at stake. In India, most of the people wish for a secure job, a house and a family. That’s what we call being ‘settled‘.
I’m a kinda very distracted person. I don’t have any great academic records. I was a bright student when i was younger. Times have changed as my performance has degraded so much that forget about scoring good, i even struggle to PASS an exam. At a place where there is seventy percent probability that your academics will decide your future, I’m screwing up big. Sometimes i cry to myself and sometimes i feel I’m depressed. When my results are out i think that i would like to be among those thirty percent people who would do something else for a living.
Everytime i try to discuss the issue with my mother, the conversation ends like this.
“Mom i don’t think I’m those study types and i wanna do something else in life”
” okay then what do you wanna do? ”
” I really don’t know…. But something else than studies “
I feel fortunate that i have sensible parents who are willing to understand and give me a chance.
But time is running out…. I can’t think of anything that will give my life a direction.
I know I’m not a loser and someday i will find my way out.